what's the worst thing in the world

i'm a little morbid, but not really. this will turn out positive some way ...
fran, this is for you girl
(also, a lot of this is pretty general but i'm not writing a thesis paper, i'm just thinking online)

pain & baggage.  we all have it.  some have heavier loads than others.  some are strong enough to carry it, others let some things out here and there that they don't need anymore, and others.... have it all over the place because they just can't keep it controlled.  it just explodes from the zippers like those travelers who have luggage that's over 50 pounds and have to throw their clothes all over the airport.

like i said, everyone feels pain.  you're not special if you do.  if you feel alone, so does everyone else.  and when you are crying "poor me" so is the person next to you.  i know i sound hard right now, i know pain too, and that's why i try to help those i love the best way i can. but this is part of my blog.

i guess i've had some time to think about "what's worse" because since i've been struggling lately, i've gotten "it could be worse."  yes, it could be a lot worse actually, but that doesn't take away how shitty i feel.  actually, i feel like i'm in a car accident every other day, you tell me what's worse?  feeling like your constantly being thrown against the wall.  pain is pain.  but, what really is this "worse"? death? sickness? loss of something? loneliness? abandonment? abuse? failure?

well, i think this can all be put under a category of love.  for some reason, love turns humans upside down and inside out.  it can make them go completely mad; confuses the shit out of them.  it builds them up, and tears them apart until they are left with nothing.  we, as people, are consumed by love.  we're always thinking about it in some way.  but, i still love love because as crazy as it makes us, it also brings us the greatest high we can ever feel in our lives.  so, this is me, saying that a loss of love, is the worst thing in the world.

death is one of the worst things in the world because we lose the ones we love.  sickness scares us because we are scared we will lose someone we love.  loneliness comes in when we feel abandoned by someone we love or there is not enough love in our lives.  abuse wouldn't hurt so much if we didn't love.       some sadness, i know, cannot always be explained.

if you truly believe, like me, that love is one of the greatest things in the entire history of the universe (along with maybe L&B spumoni garden's, nyc, and roxbury), then how can you argue that losing love is not one of the worst things in the world? having that on-top-of-the-world, i-can-move-mountains feeling being taken away from you?  one of my favorite lyrics comes from a spill canvas song.  he says "they just can't understand, how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends" ....

this is such a weak conclusion and eventually i'll write about handling pain, but basically, i just want everyone in the world and all of my friends to be in love and indefinitely happy.  but that's just me being an extreme romantic