control

this is my own little therapy. i hope anyone can relate, but i'm sure they can. and it may be a little weak because i havent written in a while.  this is dedicated to my ladies in cordoba, argentina :)

over the course of the past year, i had my share of ups and downs.. but, mostly downs.  it was a constant struggle, frustration, and fight to accept things i did not want to accept about myself, but also about others that are very close to me.  everything and everyone i believed in that (i thought) had always stood beside me, were upside down.  my world was distorted and detached, like a scene out of alice in wonderland.  the room flipped and everyone was on the ceiling above me, hundreds of feet away, and i was alone.  at any moment, those people and things on the ceiling, could have fallen and crushed me.  i guess you can call this "growing up".  did i like it? absolutely not..especially someone like me who has diagnosed herself with "peter-pan syndrome".

most of this felt out of my control. the room was not only upside down, but spinning uncontrollably.  but i learned a valuable lesson: nothing is within our control.  we do not control anyone or anything.  anyone or anything can be taken away from us at any moment.  the situations we are surrounded by daily are out of our control.  the weather, our family, our friends, our possessions, our professors, and our feelings (to a point) are uncontrollable.  the only thing we can control is ourselves.  control of the self is the most important skill someone can learn.  you cannot control a situation, but you can control your reactions to it.  if you can respond to a situation in a positive way, you have control of yourself; therefore, no one has control of you.

with this, comes control of the mind.  to control how you react, you need to have control of your mind.  you need to direct your thoughts in a positive direction, otherwise, (and i can testify) your thoughts can, and they will, eat you alive.  you need to be independent.  with control and acceptance, you can be happy.  control, acceptance, and happiness can only come from 1 place .. yourself.  if you lose it, your room will spin out of control.  i hope for every person out there that has read this, that your room, never spins out of control so much that you crash.

listening to 'explosions in the sky'