humanity

i dont know how i feel about this but im just feeling creative

so, i think as a "young adult" i am going through a 'quarter life crisis' (which really does exist, look it up).   i'm growing up, more confused than ever, and starting to hit that point where i realize and accept that the world is fucking nuts.  but, i am not the only one, or the first one, to feel this way.  it's something every person encounters.

it's really cool how simple human emotions kind of unite people.  everything we feel, is universal.  i'm not trying to belittle the diversity of our world, but trying to find comfort in the simple connectivities of humanity.  we should never feel alone.

1. we are all scared.  of everything.

2. we are always searching. searching for answers, searching for love, searching for comfort, searching for safety. 

3. we all get depressed.  the difference is how long you let it control your life

4. we all get lonely .. don't let it define who you are or where you'll go

5. we all have secrets. it's nothing to be ashamed of

fate

dumbest blog i've ever written but i had to write it

fate and destiny = the idea that something is meant to happen and unavoidable no matter what.

it's kind of an uncomfortable concept..that some things are out of our control and no matter what choices we make, some events still remain unavoidable.  but, i think a part of us wants to believe in it and sometimes, it even makes sense.  why are some things seemingly meant to happen?  even something as simple as a great sale at your favorite store.  a lot of times we deem fate as a positive thing, but i think, you can be destined for negative fates.

when something seems fated, maybe it does not always have to mean it's good for you.  maybe it seems fated in you were to have that bad experience and learn from it.  it's not something that needs to be held on to.. in fact, sometimes you have to let fate happen and then let it go because there is no point in holding on to negativity.

yes, moral of my cliche story.. everything happens for a reason and we're meant to learn from it.

back in action.

not my best, but it had to be done.
so i haven't been able to write as much as usual in the past few months probably because i've been having trouble "letting go" of certain situations that have been occurring in my life.  after seeing black swan, i'm inspired:
"perfection is not just about control. it's also about letting go."


i have not been able to write because my mind is... cluttered.  writing, art in general, is not about control (granting..writing has some rules).  it's a release of emotions and things that cannot be expressed otherwise.  we cannot control our feelings.  if they are getting "the best of us," so to speak, we have to let go of the reasons.  let go of everything that causes us to be crazed.  release it in some way.  my problem has been that i was not releasing .. not letting go.  so this is me.. letting it go.

eventually i'll write a better blog on this topic.. maybe


listening to "roll with the punches" by bag of toys.

j'ai vous manque

a short blog because i'm snowed in and can actually think straight for once.  "j'ai vous manque" = i have a missing for you all.

once you open yourself to someone, and let them become a part of you, you're going to miss them when they're not around.

is this bad? it sucks missing someone so does that mean it's bad to miss someone?  does it make you less of a person to miss someone?  no.  at least, i don't think so.  it means you've created a relationship with someone.  that you can share yourself with someone else.  that you can share happiness and sadness with another person.  it helps not to be alone. to have someone experience it with you.

so when you miss someone, you miss them because they hold a part of you.  you miss a part of yourself.

angry

i'm so angry. at both of you. and you too.

gobble gobble

happy spanxgiving =D

we bleed just to know we're alive.

this week has been rough.  my blog will prove so. (and thank you philosophy class)

so about this life.  yeah, it's obviously "hard".  what "hard" entails, i really don't know.  there aren't really specifics.  i guess it's a nice way to say that everyone feels pain.  and it's also obvious that everyone struggles.  one's struggle is not harder than the other's.  everyone that struggles feels the same way - pain.  

but how necessary is this pain? what does it prove? that we're real?

i would have to believe that some struggling is necessary.  like struggling to get a good grade in school or to get a higher job position or to become better at a skill or hobby.  yes, these are all things worth while to struggle for because it builds character.  it makes you work for something.  in this case, there is a positive outcome to struggling.

but, the struggling i'm referring to is the unnecessary curve balls that life throws at you.  the uncontrollable curve balls that hit you hard.  is famine, poverty, sickness, unavoidable loneliness, and death necessary? maybe.  maybe it tries to show as how valuable life really is.  but, i feel as though the effects of these things are a waste of time.  it is hard to overcome these feats without being sad or depressed.  and, it is hard to value life when sad.  so when these "life-is-fleeting" lessons hit us, we're too sad to appreciate life.  you can do all the activities you want, but it is very hard to see all the goodness when blinded by sadness.

i don't know.  maybe i'm just sad and i don't like it.  but in order for my theory to work, we'd have to make humanity inhumane.  eliminate emotions.  eliminate all human connections. but, without emotions, what is humanity? as the goo goo dolls say, we bleed just to know we're alive. but that's it?  we just suffer to know happiness? because happiness is harder to achieve?